What Depression Feels Like
November 24, 2007
The following is a description of how I feel when I'm going through a depressed period. It is not how I feel most of the time.
Useless: When I get depressed, I feel useless. I have this feeling that everything I've ever done is worthless, and that anything I'll ever do will be equally worthless. I feel like nothing I do matters. When I do try to accomplish something, I feel like it isn't good enough no matter how hard I work on it. Even worse, I feel like everybody is aware of my failure, and I feel incredibly guilty for being a failure. I look at my lazy housekeeping and feel like a failure as a homemaker. I mentally replay all of the mistakes I've made with my kids, and I feel like a failure as a mother. I look at my body and feel like a failure as a wife because I'm not as attractive as I'd like to be. My self-esteem plummets, and I feel like a burden on my poor husband.
Tired: When I get depressed, I'm too tired to do anything. Everything feels like an overwhelming task, even getting dressed or brushing my teeth. If somebody tries to convince me to do anything, I feel guilty for not wanting to comply and resentful at the idea that they would ask me to do anything when I'm feeling so tired. Along with my physical fatigue I feel mentally fatigued. I have to force myself to do everything I do.
Irrational: When I get depressed, I have a hard time thinking. Problem solving is difficult, even for little things like adding two numbers or figuring out which tool to use to complete a task. I react to situation emotionally rather than logically, so I end up making mistakes I regret. I lose my temper with my kids and pets when they don't follow the family rules, and I start yelling at them rather than logically disciplining them. In extreme cases of depression, I may even think about running away or suicide even though I don't plan on doing either.
Unsocial: When I get depressed, I don't want to socialize even though I realize that it probably would be good for me to get around other people and lift my spirits.
Stuck: When I get depressed, I feel like I'm trapped, stuck in this pit of worthlessness. While I'm trapped, I feel like life is passing me by. I sometimes think that things will never get better.