Why We Fail to Live a Healthier Lifestyle

Page Updated on July 28, 2007

In this program failure is simply the failure to adopt healthier habits. We may get motivated. We may write down our goals. We may make charts and graphs and lists. Then when it comes time to actually follow through, we just don't do it, and then the guilt begins. Why don't we follow through?

SELF-SABOTAGE. "Of course I wouldn't sabotage myself" we think, but most of us do. Why?

Expectations of Failure Sometimes it's because deep down inside we expect ourselves to fail, so we just give up. You find excuses for not doing what needs to be done because it's easier to live with the guilt of not doing it than the shame of doing it and not succeeding. This kind of thinking gets you deeper and deeper into unwanted situations, and you eventually get stuck. Then you begin to think that your destiny is to be cursed with bad luck when, in reality, it is your lack of trying that has left you in your situation.
Unrealistic Expectations I'll never look like a wafer-thin, six-foot-tall super-model, and I don't care. The social concept of beauty changes every decade. From skinny to fat, tall to short, delicate to rugged, straight hair to curly, perfect teeth to imperfect, big lips to small lips, wide eyes to narrow eyes, plain to glamorous, Olympic athletic to sedentary diva, and on and on and on I could go. If you doubt me, just do a search for models of various decades, and you'll eventually find somebody who has your features yet made it into the modeling world. (Marilyn Monroe was a size 12 by the way.) I just want to look and feel as good as I can without trying to copy some other person's idea of beauty. I'll never be in the Olympics, and I don't care. I've met Olympic athletes, professional athletes, and serious armature athletes. Their skills are impressive, but they come with a price. Their entire lives revolve around building those skills, and I personally don't want to spend every waking moment thinking about building my athletic skills. If that's your passion, great, go for it, but I would rather tend to my non-athletic passions than pretend that I like sports.
Fear of Success Sometimes we are actually afraid of succeeding. How is that possible? "What if I lose the weight and people start noticing me?" This is a problem for people who prefer to avoid social situation, people who had been abused (often sexually), people with low self-esteem, people who are generally shy, and so on. "What if I look good, and people begin to judge me and think that I'm vain or arrogant?" Often these worries come from our own secret judgments about other people. If you believe that the athletic guy you see at the gym is vain just because he spends an hour each day focusing on his body, then you will probably think that other people will think the same thing about you. The only way to overcome such beliefs is to stop being so judgmental about such people. Pick out somebody you are judging, get up, and go talk to them. You'll probably discover that they're not what you expected. "What if my spouse isn't attracted to me anymore?" This is where you get to find out if your relationship is between you and your spouse or your body and your spouse.
Guilt Sometimes we feel like we don't deserve to succeed and feel guilty if we have good health while others (especially family members and friends) don't have the benefit of good health or the ability to get healthier. Sometimes we just don't want the other person to be reminded of what they can't do. Sometimes we think that we'll make them feel more comfortable and less alone if we're unhealthy too (the misery loves company theory). Sometimes we believe that if they are suffering then we too should suffer to show them that we care. In reality, the best thing we can do is to stay healthy and get healthier, so we'll be better able to care for them, less absorbed with our own health problems to be able to fully feel compassion for their problems, and make their suffering meaningful by letting them know that their suffering has helped you to have a greater appreciation for good health. Ask them what they would do differently to take care of their health, and follow their advice.
Religious Beliefs Some religions stress the unimportance of the body in favor of focusing on only the spiritual body. Some actually forbid any concern for the body. If this is true in your situation, you may need to reconsider your religious beliefs. Even if we do have a spiritual body after our physical body die, we still have to live in our physical body while we are on earth, so we might as well take care of it. After all, the physical body is a gift from God, and to not take care of that gift is an insult to God (and your ancestors who did so much to ensure that your body would be born, and your parents who spent so many years caring for your body). When we connect with our physical bodies, we also become more connected to nature and which is a manifestation of God's creative energy.

Excuses, Excuses, and Overcoming Them

"I don't have time." "I have too many other priorities (work, school, chores, ...)." Schedule in the time the same way you would schedule in an appointment and make it a priority, just as important as your work, school, or family obligations (no canceling the appointment, so you can go hang out with your friends). Schedule your workout times in the middle of the night if you have to (assuming you're going to be up at that time anyhow). Plus, don't forget that even five minutes of exercise can be beneficial, and you can multitask (work those muscles while you watch television, dance around while you brush your teeth -- just don't get toothpaste foam everywhere, or do your stretches while you're on the phone). With a little planning, you can find time to make healthy meals and fast snacks (even meals that travel well to school or work) or your own microwave dinners that you can keep in your freezer until you're ready to eat. Plus, here's something to think about; when you are healthier, you have more energy, and when you have more energy, you can get more done in less time, giving you extra time in the long run.
"Nobody wants to help me get healthy." "My family (loved ones) doesn't support me." One of the wonderful things about getting healthy is that it gives you a chance to do something for yourself. Nobody can make you healthy. Nobody can stop you from getting healthy. Doing it on your own is an accomplishment that will give you pride. You might even be an inspiration to others who will eventually want to help themselves get healthy, and you'll be a role model for your children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, students, or anyone else who looks up to you. This is your chance to take control, to take charge, to let the universe know that you are not going to just sit back and let yourself fall apart. If your family doesn't support you, this is your chance to show them that you can love yourself enough to take charge of your own life and that you love them enough to make yourself healthier, so you'll be able to stick around longer to be with them and have the energy to be more involved with them. They may not realize these benefits, but what matters is that you realize them.
"I'm injured." "I'm sick." Unless you're in a full body cast or on your death bed, there are bound to be parts of your body that you can move, and an injury or illness isn't an excuse to eat junk food (in fact, it's the worst time to be filling your body with junk when you really need food to help you boost your health). Just do what you can.
"I don't feel good." First you should get checked out by a doctor. If the doctor insists that you are healthy enough to get even healthier, then don't let "feeling bad" hold you back. In fact, a healthy lifestyle with good nutrition, exercise, and good mental and emotional health actually will make you feel better. It can reduce depression, stress, and anxiety, give you more energy, and even give you a better outlook on life.
"I'm too out of shape." Well how do you think people get into shape? Everyone starts off out of shape. Have you ever seen a baby run a marathon? Not unless it was being carried or pushed in a stroller (and that just doesn't count, now does it). We all start off as helpless little infants who can do little more than suck, cry, and poop, but we slowly worked our way to crawling, walking, running, etc. It's a lifelong process. It never ends. We are always learning to improve our skills. Start as small as you have to (and don't be embarrassed) than work up to the next step. Just do a little at a time.
"I'm too upset." Nothing gets rid of stress and frustration like beating a punching bag, so take up some boxing lessons. Aerobic exercise is ideal for lifting your spirit, and nothing can calm you down like a good yoga session. Before you swallow your problems with half of a pizza and a 2-liter of soda, try working out to work it out (I know, it's a bad pun).
"I'm too busy taking care of the kids." So have the kids join you while you exercise. Play ball in the evenings, go to the pool, go hiking or bike riding together. Put them on a healthy diet as well (they'll hate it at first, but they'll get used to it and eventually like it). When you make the meals, have your family eat the same healthy foods that you do (even if they hate it). If you family is resistant to changing their activities or diet, decide that you will be their role model for better health. They'll eventually follow your lead. Even if they don't switch into the "let's get healthy" mode, at least they'll pick up a few healthy habits from you.
"My friends tease me about trying to get fit." At the risk of sounding like your mother, "True friends accept you as you are" and won't try to discourage you, but if you do run into such problems, talk with them. If they refuse to support you, find new friends. You might even inspire them to get fit, even if they start off by teasing you.
"I'm embarrassed to exercise in front of anyone." This comes from a lack of self-esteem. At some point in your life, you decided (probably subconsciously) that you didn't want to be judged by other people because when you're judged, you can be deemed acceptable or unacceptable, and nobody wants to feel unacceptable, so you just prefer to do nothing instead to avoid the possibility that you will be judged negatively. The truth is that you cannot escape being judged. People are judgmental, and they are judging you right now. The challenge is to change your priorities. Will you place more priority on the opinion of the stranger at the gym who scoffs at everyone's technique, or will you place more priority on not suffering from a long, drawn-out, painful illness caused by bad health habits? I would rather have somebody judge me negatively for doing something positive for myself than to judge me positively for doing something that is going to hurt me in the long run. I care about myself enough to allow that criticism to enter my life because my wellbeing is more important than the opinion of somebody who doesn't have to (and never will) live my life.
"I won't be able to go out like I usually do." "I don't want to feel left out." Continue to go out with your friends, and do everything that you used to do, except watch your food choices. Even in the most unhealthy of restaurants you can often find healthy entrées.
"I do enough exercise at work." Unless you're a fitness trainer, chances are your job doesn't include the type of stress reducing exercise you need. Physical jobs are often stressful and don't usually give you a full, well rounded, balanced exercise routine. Exercise that isn't work related will help you reduce some of your stress, including work related stress, and get you ready for the next day.
"I'm too tired." Exercise will help you boost your energy, so you won't be so tired, even after a long day of work or a night without much sleep.
"My problem is hormonal." And exercise and good nutrition can help counteract the effects of the hormones and may sometimes even help stabilize hormones.
"I'm too depressed / angry / anxious to workout." Depression, anger, and anxiety symptoms can often be reduced with exercise and good nutrition. You can even get an emotional boost from the chemicals released during exercise. Exercise is also a great way to get out frustration. Nothing beats letting off steam like boxing with a punching bag. If you just don't care about exercising or what you eat, can't get in the mood, etc., just do it anyhow. Once you start exercising or eating a healthy meal, you'll probably just continue until you're finished.