May 2006, Weight Loss Journal
Updated on November 24, 2007
1 May 2006
Weight: 178 (lost 22 lbs.)
BMI: 32.6
I have actually seen the scale hit 177 twice this week, but this morning it was at 178, so that's the official weigh-in. That's fine by me.
I've been sleepy that past few days far more than I usually am, and I'm praying that I'm not pregnant again since sleepiness tends to be the first sign for me. I just started dropping all this weight. I don't want to gain it back again. (Honestly, I was planning on getting a tubal ligation ASAP and have the consultation appointment scheduled for next week, and yes, we were using birth control but nothing is fool-proof. I really don't want to have another child, but if I turn out to be pregnant that's ok. It's just the universe, at the last minute, telling me that there's another person who needs to be born through me. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for a negative test result, though.) One thing's for sure, that if I do end up being pregnant, I'm not going to stop exercising, and I'm not going to go back to my old eating habits. I'm done with those old, unhealthy ways. I'm hoping that I'm just going through some weird phase, like caffeine withdrawal or mystery sleep disturbances.
The sleepiness is making it difficult to get motivated to exercise. I skipped my weight lifting routine and my morning walk today. I think I'll force myself to go for a walk after dinner. I'm sure I'll enjoy it once I get out there. I'm going to try to be in bed by 10pm from now on to ensure that I get enough sleep and see if that fixes the problem.
Honestly, I've also been slacking a lot on my weight lifting and yoga lately. I'm just not feeling motivated to do it. I keep finding things to distract me. Normally, I wake up, go for a jog followed by a walk, come back home and have breakfast and take care of the kids and any other morning chores, and then I do my weight lifting routine, and then I do my yoga routine. I think I may just scale down my weight lifting routine to just the basics for awhile and focus on yoga in the evening instead, which can have strengthening moves as well as stretches. I'll bump up my weight lifting routine again when I'm feeling ready for it. Better to slow down a bit on something I don't feel like doing than to burn myself out and stop completely.
5 May 2006
I don't know what got into me yesterday, but I had the munchies all day. I ate breakfast then decided to curb my munchies with an early lunch. Then I did it again with an early afternoon snack, and then I was supposed to wait for dinner. It was the waiting part that just wasn't going to happen. I ended up eating the leftovers of my kids' afternoon snacks and lunch. Then I started nibbling on trail mix that I had bought for a camping trip. Then I got a craving for chocolate and hit the Easter candy. Then I had dinner, and I ended up eating quite a bit more than I should have. Then I spent the evening again searching for chocolate. Finally, I just convinced myself to avoid the kitchen completely. I tried to make up for my munchies by riding the bike trainer after lunch and going for a 40 minute walk after dinner.
It almost feels like my body or brain is trying to get me to eat to fatten me back up again. The one thing that I haven't done this week is a weight lifting workout. Maybe the weight lifting really does suppress my appetite.
I'm definitely going to take more control of things today by finding things to distract me from the munchies.
7 May 2006
Ok, so the munchies won yesterday (which means they won over me twice this week). I was eating all sorts of food all day long. My husband and kids went on a camping trip while I stayed home to take my own vacation. I missed them, and I didn't know what to do with myself, so my old habits came back to comfort me. It was almost as if my body and brain kept assuming that the reason why I felt groggy and sad was because I needed more food. It wasn't a conscious thought, like "I want to indulge in something yummy." It was a subconscious craving, and I felt myself drawn to the kitchen repeatedly. I worked on a bunch of little projects to keep myself busy, but it didn't stop me from obsessing about food.
I also didn't do any exercise yesterday or the day before. I've just been so tired lately that I can't get motivated. Of course, when I think of exhaustion and sleepiness, the P word enters my mind.
I took a pregnancy test today (had some left over from the multi-pack I bought during my last "I wonder if I'm pregnant" episode), but it came out negative. I'm not certain of that result since the test was a bit old and it's a bit early to take the test, but since I had multiple tests I decided to give it a go. I'm hoping I just have a strange case of PMS, or maybe my allergies are making me sleepy (it happens to other people I know).
So this morning I got on the scale, and I was 179 lbs. Up one pound since last week. I'm not surprised since I've fallen off the wagon 3 times this week (1 day of munchies, 1 day of slight munchies and no exercise, 1 day of major munchies and no exercise), but it is a reminder that everything I do affects my weight. This whole no-more-obesity thing isn't just going to last one or two years. This is something I'm going to have to control for the rest of my life.
I'm mustering up the motivation to go for a walk today. I normally view going for a walk as getting a break from the house and family, getting some me-time. Today I'm all alone, so no break is necessary. It gives me quiet time to think about things, but since I'm alone, I already have all the thinking time I want. So, what's my motivation for exercising today? I have to remember my goal, to feel better. Exercise makes me healthy, which gives me energy, makes me feel happier, and allows me to live life more fully. Exercise burns calories, so I won't be fat and ugly anymore. Exercising for myself makes me a better role model for my children who will learn to exercise and get healthy for themselves. Plus, walking around the neighborhood gives me a chance to say hi to my neighbors and get inspiration to work in my yard after looking at every other yard. Ok, I think that's enough motivation. I'm putting on my shoes and walking out the door now.
8 May 2006
Weight: 179 (lost 21 lbs.)
BMI: 32.7
I'm officially not pregnant based on the test results at my OB/GYN's office yesterday. I'm certainly happy about that (one selfish reason is because I won't have to gain back all the weight I just lost). I love babies and children, and I would love to adopt more children one day when I'm more mentally ready, but I don't want to deal with pregnancy complications and postpartum disorders ever again. I planned on giving birth to two children, and that's what I have done. Plus, there are so many children out there who need a good family. In a couple of weeks I'm getting a tubal ligation. I'm a little sad about the idea of not giving birth to a genetic child ever again because there's nothing quite like looking at your child and thinking "wow, she's 1/2 me and 1/2 him," but I'm certain that I don't want to get pregnant again. If I ever change my mind, and I doubt I will because I've been thinking about this for a couple of years, I can always look into in vitro fertilization and reversal options.
On a similar note, I now know that my lethargy is most likely caused by PMS possibly combined with allergies or a virus (which seems to be going around). That's comforting because I know it will eventually go away and I'll have energy again.
Today I dragged myself out of bed and forced myself to walk for just 15 minutes. I don't know why, but lately I feel more like walking at 7pm rather than 7am. Maybe it's because the sun is up so much later, so I'm awake later, so it's harder for me to wake up in the morning. Maybe I should just do a short walk in the morning to start up my metabolism, then do my more lengthy walks and jogs after dinner. After all, it doesn't matter when you exercise as long as you exercise (ok, so technically exercising in the morning boosts your metabolism more for the day, but evening exercise is better than nothing).
Right now I just feel like I'd rather get projects done than exercise. I'm getting things ready for a yard sale. I'm decluttering, organizing, and cleaning my house. I'm preparing for trips, working on the yard, and trying to catch up on various volunteer projects. I just feel like I need to get things in order. I want to focus more energy on my family, my friends, and surrounding myself in beauty, such as by fixing up my house and yard. At least most of these projects require moving around.
Plus, the weather is getting nice, so I can't wait to go out and play. I'm not exactly sure what I want to do right now, but, whatever I decide to do, I'm sure it will up my activity level.
Fortunately, my huge appetite seem to be getting smaller. I'm trying to eat smaller, more frequent meals since I'm in the mood for snacking. For example, for lunch, I had only half a sandwich. Then when I feel like eating again an hour or two later, I can have another half of sandwich or a small serving of something else, so I'm not adding calories to my diet, I'm just spreading the calories out.
15 May 2006
Weight: 178 (lost 22 lbs.)
BMI: 32.6
Hey, back down to 178. That makes me feel a bit better, but it's frustrating that the month is half over and I'm still where I was at the beginning of the month. I know I'm being impatient, though.
I think the reason why I've been hovering around the upper 170's is because I stopped doing my weight lifting (or at least significantly reduced my workouts). I'm looking at my progress chart, and it just seems obvious to me that the lack of more weight loss and the reduction in strength training workouts just coincide. This week I'm going to make a bigger effort to lift weights in addition to walking at least 30 minutes a day. Plus, I'm going to recommit myself to my yoga since I've been slacking on that.
I'm starting to get my energy back, so that will help. My surgery is coming up on the 22nd (1 week from today), and I know that will make exercise difficult for awhile, but I'll do what I can. I know I won't be able to do weight lifting for 2 weeks, but I will definitely continue walking. At least I'll get some lifting in this week before the recovery period.
The weather is so nice lately. I want to go hiking, rock climbing, kayaking, biking, etc. I want to have adventures. Now that I actually think I could do it, the idea is even more appealing than ever.
For motivation, I put on my size 14 shorts. I wore them all day and never felt the need to unbutton them or take them off. They were a bit tight, but I could actually breathe while wearing them. I think I can officially call myself a size 14 now, and another shopping session may be in order. I can't believe I'll be able to hit the size 14 racks. Walking past the fat lady section of the store feels so good. Hey, I might be able to shop in those fancy boutiques in the mall now, or at least I will be able to for certain when I get down to a 12. Walking into a store and walking out knowing that they had absolutely nothing in my size was always so heartbreaking. I would often cry when I went to the mall. Now, I'll be able to shop instead!
22 May 2006
Weight: 175 (lost 25 lbs.)
BMI: 32
Wow, down to 175 lbs. and wearing a size 14. I'm amazed that I dropped 3 lbs. in one week. I can't believe how quickly I've gotten to this point, and it wasn't very difficult. I still see a huge lady when I look in the mirror, but I don't feel as big as I used to, and I'm not ashamed of showing myself in public anymore. After all, size 14 is actually a very common size, so I blend in more than I stand out.
I'm going into surgery today for my tubal ligation. I know I'll probably put some weight back on soon after the surgery, but I have confidence that as soon as I'm through with recovery, I'll drop it all again. Maybe the forced rest will help me appreciate my new active lifestyle.
29 May 2006
Weight: 175 (lost 25 lbs.)
BMI: 32
Well, I wasn't able to do any exercise this last week, except for some yoga stretches to ease my pain, because I've been recovering from my surgery. The worst pain was during the first day. The second day was tolerable but still painful. The third and fourth days the majority of my pain was in my shoulders from the carbon dioxide they pumped into me during the laparoscopic surgery. Today, exactly one week later, I'm feeling almost normal.
I went for a short walk yesterday, and it was a bit painful, and I became exhausted quickly. Today, I lasted a bit longer before I became too tired to walk anymore. I'm sure it won't be long before I get my endurance back up.
I'm happy I didn't gain any weight while I was just sitting around all week. I did attempt to control my diet, though.
...by Feed