January 2007, Weight Loss Journal
Updated November 24, 2007
8 January 2007
Weight: 172 (lost 28 lbs.)
BMI: 31.46
I'm actually quite proud of myself for not gaining a bunch of weight over the end-of-year holidays. There's always so many delicious foods sitting around, and it's hard not to nibble. All right, I admit it, I did nibble, which is why I didn't drop down to 170 lbs., but this week, the goodies are going bye-bye. If I haven't eaten it yet, I'm not going to because it's going in the trash. It's all far to stale to give to neighbors, and I doubt it will survive a trip to the starving children in Africa, so I'm donating money to UNICEF, and throwing out the old treats. Good-bye nibbles.
I'm also finding a way to manage my portion control issues by using small Pyrex bowls. Each bowl holds 1 to 1 1/2 cups (there are decorative lines on the side to help determine where that 1 cup limit is). I can't eat a portion that's too large because it wouldn't fit in the bowl. If it can't fit in the bowl, it won't end up in my mouth. Plus, the bowls are pretty, so they make everything in them look good, and they're sturdy enough for the kids to use. I need to invest in a collection of smaller plates, next.
I have realized that the key to getting in exercise is doing activities that you love to do, activities that gratify you. Gratify is the key word to remember. I now ask myself, is this activity gratifying for me. By doing this activity, am a bored or passionate? Am I enjoying it or enduring it? Am I learning from it? Is my life better because I'm doing it? How is it helping me have a better life? How is it helping my children? How is it helping the world in general?
For me, walking and hiking fulfill me because I get to enjoy nature, I get ideas for my writing just by looking at the landscape and feeling the weather on my face, the wind in my hair (and since I'm a writer, those outdoor brainstorming sessions are important to me), and I get some much needed time alone outside of my home just to reflect on life. That alone time is so important because it helps me be a better mother and spouse when I'm around my family. Plus, I build up my stamina, reduce stress, and burn fat during my walks. Walking is just productive for me, and I love being productive, so it makes me feel fulfilled.
Working out indoors, on the other hand, feels tedious most of the time. Walking on a treadmill makes me feel like a mouse trapped in a cage. I feel like I'm wasting time when I do it. I don't get alone time. I'm not inspired to brainstorm. It feels meaningless even if I am improving my health. Aerobics videos are fun at first, but they quickly become boring for me. I start to wonder why I'm wasting my time copying some peppy instructor who bounces around. Instructional dance videos are better because they teach me how to do something I can use if I ever go out dancing. Plus, it's fun to learn new dances, but honestly, I don't go out dancing much, and I would rather do silly dances with my kids than choreographed dances. Stationary bikes are perfect for building up my leg muscles for summer biking trips through beautiful state parks, but again I get that mouse in a cage feeling from it. I feel like if I'm on a bike, I should be out exploring. Weight lifting can be done while I watch television, but I need a psychological reason for doing it (muscles and vanity isn't enough). I found my reason.
My husband bought some instructional martial arts videos for me for the holidays. I've always been a fan of self-defense (don't really care about the competitions, though), and just a few weeks ago I discovered how important self-defense is. A man tried to break into our home just after we went to bed. He didn't get in, and the police caught him, but I immediately wondered, if I had to face this person to physically defend my family without a weapon, could I do it? I wish I could afford a martial arts class (did tae kwon do long ago and fantasize about doing it again). One day, I'll have enough extra income to pay for the classes. Until then, videos are a good substitute. I'm practicing a variety of punches, blocks, kicks, and grappling. I'm learning so much about how my body works, how to avoid injuries, and, most importantly, how to defend myself. It's also an amazing workout. Even the smallest movements require so much energy. I definitely need to build up more stamina, and I want to build up strength to deliver more powerful blows. It's a workout. It's a spiritual exercise. It's empowering, and it's a life saver. No, I don't feel gratified by throwing a ball, no matter how well I throw that ball. I don't feel gratified by doing aerobics, no matter how perky the instructor is. Martial arts, though, is deeply gratifying, so I know I'll stick with it.
15 January 2007
Weight: 172 (lost 28 lbs.)
BMI: 31.46
I've enjoyed the martial arts. It's very empowering to know how to punch and block, but I'm just beginning. I know I have much more to learn. This last week of exercising went well, and I've been chopping wood daily for the fireplace.
I've been finding it hard to stop eating, though. I've been craving grains and chocolate so much that I find myself daydreaming about bread and hot cocoa. I firmly believe that you can't deprive yourself, so I've allowed myself to eat some whole grain breads and hot chocolate soy milk, but the cravings aren't going away. It's so strange. It's not a habitual hunger. It's not a stress hunger. It's not even an "I deserve it" hunger. It's just a constant feeling of "wow am I hungry." I'm wondering if my body is trying to keep me from losing weight by screaming at me, "You must eat!"
I've decided I need to be more focused on my weight. I've noticed that by Thursday I don't feel like exercising and I start telling myself, "Just one bite won't hurt" repeatedly. I'm going to start weighing myself on Monday and Thursday every week.
18 January 2007
Weight: 174 (lost 26 lbs.)
BMI: 31.82
It's my first Thursday weigh-in.
I was awesome on Monday; woke up and immediately exercised on my step bench followed by martial arts. Tuesday, I woke up, stumbled around, and did a short bit of exercise on my step bench, used my dumbbells for my upper body workout, and played out in the snow with my kids instead of doing the rest of my workout inside. Wednesday, I woke up, ate breakfast, and again went out to play in the snow, but talked to the neighbors instead and completely skipped all other workouts. Today I woke up and weighed-in. 174 lbs! I gained two pounds since Monday?
All right, so I know that weight fluctuates frequently for various reasons, but I must be honest. Just as last week, I've been craving chocolate and grains. This week, though, I've also been craving salt. I've been nibbling constantly to try to satisfy the craving. Chocolate candy here, whole wheat salted crackers there, and chocolate chips in my oatmeal for a combo effect. I just can't shake the craving. I even eye my children's leftover bread crusts. I added more protein to my diet, but that didn't help. I just keep finding myself back in the kitchen saying, "Kristen, leave the room." I know those two pounds are probably water retention from all the salt I've been eating, but there is that possibility that I really did nibble my way up 2 lbs.
22 January 2007
Weight: 173 (lost 27 lbs.)
BMI: 31.64
Well, at least it's not 174. So those crazy cravings and the constant hunger ... PMS. I completely forgot. At least I can expect to have a normal level of hunger again now.
Yesterday, I took my girls out for a jog. It was a very slow jog for me, but it was definitely bouncier than walking. I was surprised by how long I kept it up, 15 minutes. We jogged around the neighborhood and through the woods, and rested at the duck pond (which was mostly frozen over, but the ducks were still there slipping and sliding around), and then jogged back home. It was fun for all of us, I got my 30 minutes of exercise, the kids got in a workout (starting those healthy habits), and we all just felt more motivated to do stuff when we got back. I think we're going to make this a daily (or at least as daily as possible) habit.
We also went shopping yesterday. Yes, I wanted to buy some clothes for myself. My husband even suggested that I should. But no! I only get to buy new clothes when I hit those 1x0 marks (190, 180, 170, 160, ...). It was motivating though. I definitely want to hit 170. I'm in desperate need of new pants. I have two pairs of jeans that are slightly baggy and not very flattering, a pair of pants suitable for wearing out but certainly not warm enough for the weather, two pairs of stretchy workout pants I often wear around the house, one pair of beat-up sweatpants, and one pair of faded and stained Dr. Seuss Cat in the Hat pajama pants. I also need a new zip-up hoodie sweatshirt (my current one is 10 years old and showing its age). On the bright side, the reason why my clothing selections are limited is because I've slimmed out of all the nice stuff. They were just too baggy on me, so I donated them to Goodwill.
I've realized that I eat lots and lots of whole grains, but I need to eat more fruits. Today, I made smoothies for lunch. I think I'll be doing this daily. It does take a bit of work, so I think I'll experiment with making large batches and freezing them in mason jars. That way I can just take out a jar, let it thaw, shake it up, pour it out, and, voila, instant smoothie. I'll be sure to let everyone know if I create any interesting recipes.
I still have the hardest time doing exercise without getting bored, so I'm going to beat the boredom instead. If I'm productive, I can get through the workout without a second thought.
I'm going to make more of an effort to clean my house, yet another way to exercise and be productive at the same time. Cleaning my house means that we'll be healthier, we won't get sick as often, we won't trip on things left on the floor and get hurt. Plus, we'll be more willing to have guests over, which is an important part of good mental health and community strengthening.
The martial arts is still an effective way to motivate me to build up muscle and flexibility. I keep telling myself, "I'm not just exercising. I'm training, training for a day when I'll need to defend my children and husband from somebody who wants to hurt them." It's not exactly a happy thought, but it's better to train for it and get healthy at the same time than just hope it never happens, get fatter, and then unfortunately encounter such a horrific event only to be too weak to do anything to stop it.
The thought of having to save my children during an emergency encourages me to build up my running speed and endurance. Again, I tell myself, "I'm not just exercising. I'm training for the day when I will have to run to them to save them, to pick them up in my arms and run away with them to safety." Such thoughts also pump me with adrenaline (much like watching an action movie does) and drives me to push myself harder.
I want to speak Spanish and French, so I started watching Spanish television shows. While I watch the show, I workout on my step bench. Trying to understand somebody speaking a foreign language takes a lot of concentration, so before I know it, my workout time is over. Again, beating the boredom by being productive.
My healthier lifestyle is helping me drop the pounds slowly, gradually, but I know I will be down to a healthy weight soon, maybe this year, maybe next year, and I'll be healthier overall, so I can have more fun with my kids and watch them grow up, so I can have more happy years with my husband, so I can be more productive and help other people in the world instead of sitting back and wasting away as the days fly by. And of course... so I can go shopping for new clothes.
25 January 2007
Weight: 172 (lost 28 lbs.)
BMI: 31.46
Back to 172. I've stopped eating after dinner ... almost. I can have all the caffeine-free and decaf tea I want. I can have one cup of hot cocoa. I can have one handful of popcorn. That's it.
I had been having a bowl of cereal with soymilk around 9pm. I like having that just-before-bed snack (which is turning into more of an extra meal) to get me through the night, but I decided to break that habit and focus on that just-before-bed cup of hot cocoa instead. Let's see if this makes a difference.
29 January 2007
Weight: 171 (lost 29 lbs.)
BMI: 31.28
I would definitely say that cutting out that evening bowl of cereal and replacing it with a cup of hot cocoa is making a difference. I'm getting in walks when I can. I'm trying to motivate myself to do more exercise during the day. I have my good days and bad days. I'm aiming for more good than bad, and so far I'm succeeding.
One more pound... one more pound and I get to shop for new clothes. Happy. Happy.
Another nice thing about being 171 is that I know that I won't be jumping back up to 176, 177, ..., 180 ever again (unless I'm stuck in bed with an injury or something). It's a very nice feeling to know that I can say goodbye to those numbers. When I have to report my weight for identification, insurance, and the like, I now get to say "170 lbs" instead of "200" or "190" or "180." I've actually debated going back to the DMV to get a new driver's license with my accurate weight. Seeing "185" on there is annoying (and that was put on there back when 185 was a lie, I was actually 195). I don't want to own that number anymore. One of these days, I won't want to own 170 anymore; I'll be 160 or 150, and 170, which is a goal I long to see now, will become a number I wish to avoid, along with 14, my pant size.
...by Feed